Broken parts

I dont know what's this. I dont know why. I dont know whose to blame for all this pain I feel. Don't you hate it, when  the one that hurt you is the one who you want to run to just to feel better? Or when someone you care most turn into total stranger? Or you miss all moment you've been trough and you know you can only reminiscing it, without any chance to repeat it? I HATE IT!

On April 19,2010 I wrote about growing old with someone. The one that sing me my favorite song and the one that i can always count on to. Yes, him. But now, i feel like i dont even know him! I feel like such an idiot, believe in everything he said to me. All the promises and sweet things. Cause now, I got nothing except this pain I feel.

Last night, he asked me why I look so upset. How should I tell when it's about him? What am I supposed to say, after I saw his love photo album with his new girl? I cried. Lucky you, girl. I bet and I have to admit that you got everything that Im not. And the most important thing, you got his heart. Whole heart and make me feel like Im nothing in front of him. Thanks! :')

I never felt this way, about loving you.. It's killing me everytime we talking about us. Like last night? After almost 2 month since your last break-up call, you call me! Where have you been, ha? Why now? When I'm trying so hard to forget you and convince myself that i'll be okay without you. Talking with you cant ease my pain, it's getting worse altough~

You know what hurts most? You said to me, that NOBODY understand you, not even ME! The only person that understand and know you is her. Yeah, your girl. Well, maybe she's got your brain inside her head! How could you said that after all the time we spend together, talking about things. About life, love, pain. Remember the day you said to me that you love me cause you learn a lot of thing from me? Oh, maybe you just forget or you want to forget it. I used to love when you yelling at me, try to make me think and solve my problem with my brain not my heart. You're the only person that tell me stupid without hurting me, cause I know, that means you want me to learn how to survive in this big scary and painful world.

Well,  I cant change anything anyway. So I just want to thank you for everything you've gave to me. Your time, your love, your pain, your stories. Thank you for letting me learn about living on my own, make my own decision, and tell me how to use my brain instead of heart. Thank you, boy!

I know it's sounds lame but it's so true. I know it's not right, but it seems unfair. All things are reminding me of you. I'll be missing every little thing we used to do. I'll miss talking to you on the phone until the sunrise. I'll miss crying for you when you even don't know that I'm crying. When I am feeling down you made that face you do,  there's no one in this world could replace you! I wonder if feel the same way to~


Thank you, boy!
Take care yourself.
I wish you all the best in everything.

I love you. I really do.